My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
