After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
