I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
