Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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