I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
