How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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