My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
