He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
