Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
