I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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