your parents love me but you hate me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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