I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
