Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
