Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
