they need to just BURY HIM!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
