He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
