STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
