toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
