I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
