I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
