I can tuck mytits in my pants
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
