I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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