Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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