Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
