I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
