lets start a swedish sibling band together
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
