just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
