Your dad touched me again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
