I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
