im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
