I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
