I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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