She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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