Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
