you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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