I need to stop coming to work sober
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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