You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
