you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
