Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
