He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
