Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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