i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
