drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
