tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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