we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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