Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
