what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
