my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We left the knife in your bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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