dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
