Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
