My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
