omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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