Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
