I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
