I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
