I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
