Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
